


the edge

by cluelesskaru



Series: walking in time [1]
Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, Breaking and Entering, Childhood Friends, First Kisses, First Love, M/M, Skateboarding, i guess?, just bros being dudes, this is very cute and innocent i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-09 05:12:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16443566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cluelesskaru/pseuds/cluelesskaru
Summary: it's like there's no floor under hyunjoon, or more like there's nothing around the two of them. hyunjoon forgets his cup somewhere, his hands wet and freezing when he touches sunwoo's arm, making him look at him. because it does hurt, a little, to look at sunwoo. but it's a good kind of hurt, it's the best thing hyunjoon has ever felt and he's felt it for a while now, it's nothing new. there's a lot he wants to say and he doesn't know how to put into words.





	1. summer of sixteen

**Author's Note:**

> my first work for the boyz!
> 
> today, someone despicable was just elected president in my country, brasil. i wrote this because i needed something meaningful and sweet to look at, so please handle me gently.
> 
>  **warning for underage kissing:** both hyunjoon and sunwoo are already 18 internationally, and even though they're considered adults where i'm from and in other places, i know that's not the case in south korea. however, this fic is just something sweet and innocent, i don't mean anything bad by it.

sunwoo pulls his loose pants up his hips, looking down the edge of the pool with his foot ready to dip his skateboard into a dive.

dynamic duo's _double dynamite_ album is playing from the tinny speakers of sunwoo's battered samsung, balanced precariously from the edge of the pool opposite where hyunjoon is and not far from him. he can make out gaeko's _"help me out on this hot summer day, alright alright. it's such a wonderful world."_ perfectly.

sunwoo looks down from the edge and watches hyunjoon sprawled right at the bottom of the pool, on the shallow end, and sunwoo swallows dry, heart racing. he can taste the plaster and the dampness of rotting wood in the air, making everything smell stuffy and abandoned. then a breeze comes back and sunwoo can also smell the grass and smoke from the factories beyond the horizon.

"yah, what are you _doing?"_ hyunjoon finally notices sunwoo propped on the edge of the pool and laughs with a short breath, his voice out in the afternoon like bubbles of sound.

the sun is almost setting and a shadow already covers the pool, making the bottom cooler compared to the warm summer air. hyunjoon puts his hands under his head and just—keeps smiling. sunwoo swallows nervously again.

"this is bowl skateboarding and you're a hip."

hyunjoon laughs again, even louder this time, spreading his arms and legs like a starfish. sunwoo takes a deep breath and crouches into position, propped at the edge at the pool in a way that one false movement means he can fall in before he means to. a drop of sweat rolls down his spine. he can hear the cicadas in the distance and it's a soothing, familiar sound.

the pool is huge, but still about half the size of the bowl in the skate park. it looks large and deep enough that sunwoo figures he can pull it off. he looks and tries to measure everything based on what he's used to. hyunjoon closes his eyes, a loose smile on his lips showing that he isn't worried at all. sunwoo'll basically dive right into hyunjoon and he'll have to jump over him in the last moment. if he doesn't do it right, he could hit hyunjoon and hurt him, but—

if hyunjoon trusts sunwoo can do it, then he can.

sunwoo puts his foot down and drops from the edge.

the wind whooshes on his ears at the steep curve of the pool and he stands up straight on the board and then crouches again; he has enough momentum to go up the slope of the pool into the shallow end. hyunjoon doesn't even flinch. in the last possible moment sunwoo ollies over him. he leaps high, going over hyunjoon with a safe distance.

for one perfect moment, sunwoo is up in the air. he sees hyunjoon under him as he flies overhead, sees that little smile on his lips, that twinkle in his eyes. then, in the next nanosecond, sunwoo comes to the realization that he's going to crash.

he's going too fast and loses his footing the moment his wheels touch the floor. his board flies away from beneath him and his feet go up in the air. he lands on his ass. hard. he has the reflex to put his hands back, to hold himself and not hit his head straight away. with a loud _oof_ sunwoo flops onto the floor. for an exhilarating moment he doesn't register the pain, only his racing heart and the fact that he's _alive._

and then it hurts. by all means, it _hurts._

when sunwoo opens his eyes again, hyunjoon is hovering over him, no traces of his smile left to be seen. "dumbass. do you have a death wish?"

"yes," sunwoo deadpans.

sunwoo sticks his tongue out and moves to get up, but a flash of pain shoots up his spine at the movement and he grimaces, plopping back down. it sets hyunjoon off into evil sounding laughter.

"you almost succeeded." hyunjoon says, sounding happy again and out of breath.

"yah." sunwoo pulls hyunjoon's hand and his best friend easily flops down, falling next to him while still laughing. "don't cackle your evil witch cackling at me."

"then stop doing dumb shit." hyunjoon presses his forehead against sunwoo's shoulder, still shaking with laughter.

sunwoo feels like he's burning up. he can feel the heat radiating from his body in waves, but hyunjoon is cool next to him. dynamic duo is still playing in the distance, the song not quite reaching them bottom of the pool; instead he can hear the cicadas more clearly from here, along with hyunjoon's soft breathing now that he has quieted down from his laughing fit. everything is so calm right there, that it makes sunwoo feel like they are the only two living people left in the entire city.

and then a train races by, loud on the tracks, and sunwoo remembers where they are.

they are in his favorite place in the world.

their most prized hangout spot is the pool of an abandoned construction site for new homes. this condo was supposed to be littered with million dollars white-picket-fence houses, but someone's money had run dry in the middle of it and now the place looks more like a graveyard for capitalistic dreams.

the sun is slowly setting and the temperature is already dropping inside the pool, where it's far too dirty for them to be lying on—sunwoo is so going to be scolded by his mom for the dirty clothes, but—he couldn't care less about it. sunwoo can't believe he won't spend his summer here.

"d'you think you'll keep coming here without me over the summer?"

hyunjoon goes still next to him. he hadn't been moving for real, but his fingers stop tapping the ground and sunwoo can feel his eyes on him.

"you don't want me to?"

"not really." sunwoo turns on his side to face hyunjoon too, coushioning his head on his arm.

june is almost over and the rain season is done too. the grass around the pool, where it was probably meant to be some form of community pool area, is almost as tall as them from all the raining. there's just enough light for sunwoo to make out hyunjoon's face. the golden rays are gentle on his smooth skin. his eyebrows are furrowed and his bottom lip is caught between his teeth. sunwoo reaches out and pulls hyunjoon's chin until he lets his lip go.

"it wouldn't be the same without you," hyunjoon whispers.

"good." sunwoo keeps his hold of hyunjoon's chin and bumps their foreheads. "you better not replace me while i'm gone."

hyunjoon snakes his arm around sunwoo's waist, knocking their knees when he moves closer. "i'm not gonna replace you at all."

"don't just say things."

"it's a promise. you're my best friend."

sunwoo snorts, his stomach doing whole somersaults. "i better be." he moves his face just a bit and their noses touch. "i better be your favorite person in the whole world." he moves his hand from hyunjoon's chin to his hip, where he squeezes.

hyunjoon isn't as lean and hard as sunwoo, his hips are round and feel good on his palm, maybe a little bit of baby fat left there after he went through his growth spurt last year. and in that moment, there's nowhere else in the entire universe where sunwoo would rather be, no one else means everything that hyunjoon does.

"don't flatter yourself," hyunjoon whispers. his voice barely there.

if sunwoo weren't so close, he wouldn't be able to hear it. but he is and they are. close. in more ways than one. it isn't the first time they've laid together like this. hyunjoon tangles their legs, grabbing a fistful of sunwoo's shirt and holds on tight to it and sunwoo returns the gesture, splaying his free hand over hyunjoon's chest, right where he can feel his heart beating. it isn't the first time sunwoo looks into hyunjoon's eyes from this up close, foreheads touching, breathing in the air from each other's lungs, both of them quiet.

gaeko and choiza's rapping voices sound as if they're coming from far, far away. and then, the cicadas seem to stop. if sunwoo focuses enough, he can hear the train tracks from three blocks away. if he could focus hard enough, maybe he could hear the earth moving. maybe that would sound as loud as his heart right now. if he focuses enough, maybe that'd sound the same way as hyunjoon's heartbeat feels under his palm, going as fast as his.

sunwoo is so close that he can only look at one part of hyunjoon's face at a time. first one eye, then the other. the tip of his nose. and—his mouth. hyunjoon licks his lips, something he always does when he's nervous. sunwoo mirrors his action, feeling his whole mouth dry.

"you gonna miss me?" hyunjoon croaks

sunwoo laughs a little. holds hyunjoon tighter. "you even need to ask?"

he doesn't know what he's doing, but it feels as easy as breathing.

they're at the edge of something. holding onto each other, looking at bits of each other's faces one at a time. each other's lips, eyes. hyunjoon raises his free hand and cups sunwoo's cheek, swipes his thumb just under his left eye.

it was a long summer day; the sun has just set and sunwoo is leaving in the morning. it's not forever, he's just spending a couple of months with family he has somewhere else, somewhere whatever. right now sunwoo can't even remember where that is. all he knows is that two months feel impossible and cruel, because those are sixty days that he can't be this close to hyunjoon.

they are on the edge of something when sunwoo leans even closer, when hyunjoon tilts his head just like this and— the drop.

they kiss.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to leave any comments and lemme know your thoughts, i love that stuff :)  
> also, [here's my twitter](https://twitter.com/cluelesskaru). i have a total of zero theb mutuals and i'd love to change that!
> 
> (also, pls excuse any mistakes, i didn't have it in me to revise)


	2. winter of eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sunwoo careens into a crouch next to the collapsed person, steadying himself with his hands. "are you okay?" sunwoo asks, out of breath. the other kid is just staring at the sky, like he didn't just spectacularly fall on his butt. "you're not supposed to run on the ice, you know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to turn this into a small multichaptered fic, because i realized these two are too cute for me to have left this where i did. so, the word count for each chapter is going to be pretty low and between each chapter set in the main storyline, we'll have a flashback of sunwoo and hyunjoon growing up together, to help give depth to their relationship.  
> updates are going to be daily. that is... if i don't finish binge writing everything today and post all chapters on impulse. that's a strong possibility.  
> anyway, enjoy!

sunwoo sneezes into his sleeve and grimaces, he can feel the tips of his ears freezing; it's painfully cold and he forgot his hat at home this morning. the school's front gate is more or less empty by now, most kids already picked up by their parents or found their way home. he goes on his tiptoes to look back at the main building again, but there's still no sign of mingyu. sunwoo buries himself further inside his coat and kicks a tuft of snow with the sole of his boot.

he knows he's too young at eight years old for his mom to be alright with letting him roam around on his own, but it's so stupid to have to wait for his cousin to walk home. mingyu is only a couple of years older, it's not like sunwoo can't walk at least the few blocks home on his own.

he's waiting by one of the benches closer to the school  building, where the snow is clean and untouched because it's too cold to sit outside during recess. sunwoo crouches and starts crushing the harder bits of snow with the palm of his gloved hand, making crunchy sounds along with each new dip of his fingers. snow is so stupid, he can't even skate home because it's too dangerous to slip.

sunwoo is focused on making small snowballs, maybe he can throw one on mingyu-hyung when he _finally_ shows up, until a sudden scream makes him look up from the ground with a scare; a kid has just slipped on the ice right by the stairs leading to the school building and went limp on the ground. sunwoo jumps up and goes as fast as he dares to see if they aren't hurt— he all but skates there, heart racing with how much his feet slides.

sunwoo careens into a crouch next to the collapsed person, steadying himself with his hands. "are you okay?" sunwoo asks, out of breath. the other kid is just staring at the sky, like he didn't just spectacularly fall on his butt. "you're not supposed to run on the ice, you know."

he turns his eyes to sunwoo. they're shiny, like maybe he wants to cry a little, but it could be because of the cold too. sunwoo doesn't say anything about it because he knows you're not supposed to when someone is trying to hold back tears. the boy has a big beanie pulled low enough to cover his eyebrows and a green scarf up to his nose. he looks kind of funny with only his puffy eyes showing up.

"i'm okay." his voice is muffled by the scarf, but sunwoo hears enough to make sure that the other kid doesn't sound wobbly or pained, so he offers his hand and helps the boy up.

"i'm sunwoo," he says, once they're both standing.

"hyunjoon." the boy doesn't look up and starts dusting the snow off his clothes. sunwoo picks up his bag from the floor, offering it to him once he's done. "thanks," he mutters, finally looking up at sunwoo.

"you're lucky almost everyone has already left. you were gonna fall in front of the whole school."

the boy furrows his eyebrows and pulls the green scarf down, showing a button nose and a small pursing mouth. "your ears' gonna fall off from the cold; they're almost purple."

sunwoo notices that hyunjoon is wearing fingerless gloves when he raises them to cover his ears. hyunjoon's fingertips are warm, but sunwoo's ears are so cold that they feel burning hot. he almost goes cross-eyed to look at hyunjoon's face. he's kind of small, having to stretch his arms all the way to touch sunwoo's ears. the boy lets go to bring his hands to his mouth and blow hot air on them—his breath showing up in the chilly winter breeze. it makes sunwoo notice how pink the boy's cheeks are. it really is that cold today.

"i don't think i've seen you around." sunwoo tilts his head to the side, looking harder at hyunjoon and trying to place him.

the boy puts his hands on sunwoo's ears again and this time they're so hot that sunwoo feels like his skin is going to melt. he closes his eyes in relief.

"i transferred here last week." hyunjoon takes a step closer so his arms aren't so stretched. "i don't know anyone yet, i used to live with my grandma. i'm in class 2a."

"that's shin-ssaeng's class, right?" hyunjoon nods. "you don't have any friends yet?"

the boy looks down, fidgeting in place, but doesn't move away.  "no, not yet."

sunwoo nods and touches hyunjoon's hands, so he'll let go. "uh, thanks. i didn't find my hat this morning, but i'm just waiting for my cousin to go home, so it's 'kay."

"i'd let you borrow you my beanie but i don't know you or if you'd give it back."

hyunjoon pulls the hood of his jacket up as if to prove a point of being warm and sunwoo feels colder just by looking how many layers the other is wearing in comparison to his flannel shirt and measly coat. sunwoo frowns.

"my name's kim sunwoo and i'm in class 2B _and_ i'd never keep something that wasn't mine." he spots his cousin coming from around the school and raises his chin at hyunjoon. "we can be friends but i don't need your beanie."

 _"sunwoo-ah!"_ mingyu calls with a wave, already heading to the school gates.

hyunjoon has his brows furrowed again, eyes fleeting to mingyu for a moment. "you walk home?"

"yeah," sunwoo shrugs, crouching to tie his shoelaces for the walk. "it's only ten blocks away."

hyunjoon sputters in disbelief and sunwoo snickers at that. he can't believe it. the other boy is probably spoiled if he thinks that's a long walk. ten blocks after class is nothing compared to have to walk even half that distance carrying grocery bags. _that's_ torture.

_"sunwoo-ah! let's go!"_

sunwoo jumps up and holds the straps of his backpack, already taking a backwards step away. "coming!"

"wait!" with a swift motion, hyunjoon pulls his beanie off his head and shoves it on sunwoo so harshly that it covers his eyes.

"yah!" sunwoo pulls the beanie up, glaring at hyunjoon.

hyunjoon's hair is flattened on his head and funny looking and his cheeks and nose are suddenly even more pink, but it happened too fast for it to be the cold this time. "you can give it back to me tomorrow!" he says in a haste. "and— and we can be friends! if you want."

 _"yah, kim sunwoo! i'm leaving!"_ mingyu calls again, already sounding annoyed this time.

sunwoo looks back at his cousin, heart racing all of a sudden. mingyu is glaring at him from the sidewalk, shoulders tense, meaning he's in some type of hurry. sunwoo turns to hyunjoon again to see him biting his fingernails, eyes wide.

"sure, yeah. of course." he starts walking backwards, righting the beanie on his head. "thanks! see you tomorrow"

sunwoo runs to his cousin and is already being dragged away, laughing and trying to break free from  a playful headlock, when hyunjoon catches his attention again. he's waving, a huge smile shining on his face, cheeks and nose flushed pink. "see you tomorrow, friend!"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please do leave me any comments on your thoughts, i love talking :)  
> also, [here's my twitter again](https://twitter.com/cluelesskaru), in case any of you wanna see what i do over there.
> 
> (also, pls excuse any mistakes, i'm still not up for revisions)


	3. fall of sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyunjoon tries to find the words to say everything he has to say, everything that's been piled up while sunwoo was away. they kept in touch of course, messaging everyday about everything and anything. everything, and nothing about what happened. the kiss. hyunjoon has been telling himself that they didn't talk about it because some things are better discussed in person, and if the way sunwoo is looking at him is any indication, it means that they are on the same page, but still. he's still nervous. he's still unsure.

hyunjoon thumps his nape against the wall he's leaning on and lets out a heavy sigh. most people have already left for the cafeteria, but still no sign of sunwoo.

the first floor hallway of the music department is crowded between classes, but the noise is distracting in a good way as hyunjoon waits. there are four classrooms and five training rooms in this hall alone and it feels as if he stands there long enough, all of the music department is going to walk past him at some point. like he's right on the nerve core of the building, with the secretary and teacher's lounge down the corridor too.

he's a dance major, but he still knows a lot of people in the music department, mostly from always being glued by the hip to sunwoo since they were eight, but also, because this is still a high school and the core classes mix everyone together. he waves to daehwi and eric passing by while he waits.

hyunjoon is so entranced by the blur of people going past him that he nearly misses the last student leaving the classroom.

"sunwoo!" hyunjoon scrambles to push away from the wall he had been leaning on. "hey!"

sunwoo turns around and stops, facing hyunjoon head on. it makes hyunjoon halt abruptly, losing his footing for a moment. and then he gets a hold of himself and looks at sunwoo right at eye level— hyunjoon wasn't exactly expecting sunwoo to look any different, but. he sort of does. it's been two months, so it only makes sense. sunwoo has a new earring. hyunjoon notices that maybe he got himself a little height over the other after the summer break and almost smiles for it, but he's too nervous.

sunwoo skin is darker, too, all but glowing under the hallway's fluorescent lights and hyunjoon could wax poetic about sunwoo's skin, but he's not that kind of guy. at least he doesn't think so.

they're just standing there, looking at each other for one moment and, maybe, the strangest thing, what really stands out, is that. the way sunwoo is looking at him — carefully.

"are you any taller?" sunwoo finally asks.

hyunjoon exhales, relief flooding his senses. it's alright. this is still the boy that cried next to him watching anime. the kid that taught hyunjoon how to tie his shoelaces. the best friend he kissed on the last day before summer break.

"i got a solid couple of centimeters in during the summer."

the corners of sunwoo's mouth twitch. "i'm sure you have."

hyunjoon snorts to himself. his head has so much white noise that he doesn't know what to say at all. he feels light headed enough to pass out. "you grew into your nose some more," is what he ends up saying.

he doesn't mean to be mean, that's not how that was supposed to come out. in truth, sunwoo has  never looked this good as far as hyunjoon can remember. his last two brain cells are having a real hard time right now. sunwoo knows him, though, and _smirks._ and if hyunjoon was having a hard time before, he's surprised he doesn't choke on his spit.

"you don't look too bad yourself." is what sunwoo says and gosh.

hyunjoon knows how to read sunwoo better than anyone else and the way he looks him from head to toe is. it's. hyunjoon is blushing. he knows he is and he hates it, but sunwoo doesn't mention anything at that. he has always been enough of a good friend to look past things that he knows would only mortify hyunjoon.

hyunjoon tries to find the words to say everything he has to say, everything that's been piled up while sunwoo was away. they kept in touch of course, messaging everyday about everything and anything. everything, and nothing about what happened. the kiss. hyunjoon has been telling himself that they didn't talk about it because some things are better discussed in person, and if the way sunwoo is looking at him is any indication, it means that they are on the same page, but still. he's still nervous. he's still unsure.

hyunjoon's heart feels like it's about to explode. he can't let sunwoo slip through his fingers, they have to discuss this and. it has to be as soon as possible, he doesn't think he can wait any longer.

"listen, i… i missed you, bro. we have a lot to catch up." is what he manages to say. and that was good, yes. he didn't sound as nervous as he feels. "have lunch with me? or maybe some slushies after school ends? i don't know."

"yeah, i know." sunwoo flashes him a smile again. "i can't right now, though. and there's soccer tryouts today after class, remember? it's always on the first day. i need to sort out some details over lunch too."

"oh."

sunwoo opens his bag and starts going through it, biting his bottom lip. hyunjoon has to say something, he has to say something fast. he takes in a breath, but nothing comes out.

"hey man, i gotta go." sunwoo looks up at hyunjoon again after finding his phone, an apologetic smile on his lips and this time hyunjoon really freezes. "you'll wait for me after class, though, right?"

hyunjoon perks up again. "yes! yes, totally, i have some stuff to do anyway i can totally wait."

sunwoo is already turning to leave. "great then, see you later!" he waves and starts down the corridor.

hyunjoon waves back and watches him go. then, like a punch to the gut, he realizes that sunwoo never said he had missed him too.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah, the clumsiness of first love. i don't miss that mess one bit.  
> have you guys ever been in love? if you have, i kinda hope it was like this,; innocent and exhilarating. or maybe not? things got a little angsty by the end over there, didn't they? lol
> 
> next update coming soon!


	4. summer of thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometime during sunwoo's internal meltdown hyunjoon had packed his things, but he is still sat on the floor, legs folded, looking up at sunwoo as if he's expecting something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we have a new summary!  
> i felt the need to change it to something that fit the overall feel of the story better, since that first one was chosen when i had no plans to write more into this story.  
> anyway, in this chapter our boys are thirteen! what an age, my friends.

a breeze rustles the branches of the tree hyunjoon is sat under, and the slight sound of the wind blowing through the leaves is so nice that he closes his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.

it's their last summer before high school and it's both exciting and kind of scary. hyunjoon  is not too worried, since sunwoo got into the same school as him, so he's focused on resting while he can.

the weather is glorious in the peak of the season and hyunjoon leans back against the trunk of the tree more comfortably and then turns his eyes back to the page of his manga that he's currently reading. he's engrossed on a fight scene in the story line when he hears someone coming towards him and looks up.

it's sunwoo, of course; sweaty and out of breath, jogging to where hyunjoon is protected from the sun rays.

hyunjoon cracks a bottle of water open and holds it up, but sunwoo flops down on the grass next to him before taking it. hyunjoon watches, with growing horror, as his best friend drinks it messily, getting as much water on his shirt as down his throat, but that doesn't many difference, since what he doesn't drink he unceremoniously dumps over his own head, soaking his hair and shirt even further. then he sprawls down on the grass and glances up at hyunjoon's look of utter disgust.

"sure you don't wanna play, dude?"

hyunjoon clicks his tongue and scoots away from his friend in an attempt to not get water or, jesus christ, get _mud_ on himself or his things. sunwoo is so wet that the grass under him is turning mushy and muddy and it's gross.

"not if i'm gonna end up like that."

sunwoo snorts and then props himself up on his elbows, looking back to the field he just came from. some of the hyungs of the closest high school's soccer team are still kicking the ball here and there or are stretching after the match they just wrapped up. they're tall and look cool beyond how sunwoo ever hopes to get when he grows up.

"i kinda wish i got to play a tournament with them at least once." sunwoo says absentmindedly. it takes a moment for him to register, but hyunjoon closes the manga book he had been reading and turns towards him.

"are you having second thoughts about going to art school with me?"

sunwoo snaps his head towards hyunjoon in surprise. "no! no, not at all." sunwoo rushes to reassure him and hyunjoon notices that he had sat up, so he eases back against the tree again. "i've just been playing with mingyu-hyung and the others all summer and i wish i could be in a team with them, yes, but i'm sure there's a soccer team at art school too." he shrugs. "it's alright."

hyunjoon nods and then stretches his legs, turning to watch mingyu-hyung, sunwoo's cousin, sat in a circle with minghao-hyung, jungkook-hyung and all the other boys in their year. "i get that, they're all so cool and good looking."

sunwoo scoffs. "you only think that because they're older."

in that moment mingyu notices them looking and waves, smiling. hyunjoon makes a weird noise on the back of his throat and rushes to wave back. sunwoo watches this with narrowed eyes and annoyance.

"remind me why you say you're alright with coming to the field with me everyday if you never want to play with us?"

hyunjoon looks baffled at the question. "what else am i supposed to do? sit at home all day?"

"right, yeah, when you put it like that."

sunwoo sits up and starts stretching too, starting from his legs. hyunjoon doesn't go back to reading and instead keeps watching the soccer team for a moment.

"do you think mingyu-hyung is going to invite us to go to the convenience store with them?"

"what?" sunwoo sits back up from midfold to look at hyunjoon. "we go there all the time, we don't need their permission to go."

hyunjoon, however, rolls his eyes, like sunwoo is the one being weird. "duh, of course we don't, but we can't just trail after them like losers if they don't ask us to come."

sunwoo squares his shoulders, stretching all but forgotten. "what's that supposed to mean? you think  i'm a loser that only follows my cousin around?"

"what? no! that's not what i meant!" hyunjoon's voice cracks, the way it's been doing all the time for the past few months, and sunwoo ignores it, the way he's been doing.

he also chooses to ignore hyunjoon altogether, resuming his stretching and this time fully committing to it. he can feel hyunjoon's eyes on him, though, but they've known each other long enough for a simple stare not to be enough to rattle sunwoo's resolve.

he has no idea where that came from. it's not as if hyunjoon hasn't teased him with harsher words than that even, _they're boys_ after all _,_ but implying that sunwoo has been trailing after his cooler, older cousin like a lost puppy was a low blow. he's not sure why, but right now he feels like he never wants to play any matches with the team any time soon, like it's _their_ fault that sunwoo looks like a loser to hyunjoon.

once he's done stretching, he goes to his duffel bag where he left it by the tree and dries up as best as he can. it's not until he's less heated and lying again on a dry spot of grass that hyunjoon says anything.

"sorry, that came out wrong." hyunjoon offers.

it makes sunwoo look up at him, still sitting and staring. growth spurs are doing weird things to hyunjoon. his face is longer and his eyes are sharper and he doesn't look as cute as he used to. he's starting to look handsome.

"why do you wanna go to the convenience store with mingyu-hyung anyway?"

hyunjoon shrugs, eyes wandering back to the field, but they don't linger, turning to sunwoo again. "i like him."

sunwoo presses his lips together and looks away. he almost asks. it's on the tip of his tongue, but he knows that he doesn't really want to know. if hyunjoon likes mingyu-hyung as in a crush, sunwoo knows he's not going to like it. it's always this way when it comes to mingyu and sunwoo. girls in school ask him to introduce them to his cousin. classmates say how _mingyu-sunbae_ is so cool when they see him the rare times he still waits sunwoo out front for them to walk home together after school. his aunts, and even his mom, are always saying how much of a handsome, good boy the other is.

if hyunjoon says it too, sunwoo is going to _hate it_. just really, really hate it. so he doesn't want to know.

hyunjoon had told sunwoo that he liked boys back in december and it was alright, it didn't make that much of a difference. he would only say a few different things sometimes now, like point it out if some guy on the street was handsome and maybe gush more enthusiastically about bts than he did before, but it isn't a big deal. sometimes sunwoo gets this funny feeling in his chest but it's fine, really. he knows he's not a homophobe or anything.

for this one, terrible moment, sunwoo pictures mingyu and hyunjoon dating. pictures them being together all the time and his best friend with no time at all for him anymore.

sunwoo jumps to his feet and collects his things in one swift motion. "we should go."

he shoulders his bag and checks back to see that none of the others have left yet, but then notices that hyunjoon is not moving.

sometime during sunwoo's internal meltdown hyunjoon had packed his things, but he is still sat on the floor, legs folded, looking up at sunwoo as if he's expecting something.

sunwoo rolls his eyes and offers his hand. "i'm not mad at you, dude. c'mon, it's hot as fuck, let's get some melonas on our way home."

hyunjoon nods, the corners of his lips quirking up in an almost smile, and takes sunwoo's hand. he let's sunwoo hoist him up and gives his friend's shoulder a light punch once they're face to face. sunwoo rolls his eyes for good measure.

they're in a park not far away from sunwoo's house, the best one to play soccer with two goals placed on this huge communal field. the park doesn't have a lot to offer beyond the field and a small duck pond, but it's still filled with kids during summer days. there's not much else in the neighborhood. maybe next week they can stay at hyunjoon's; there's a skatepark _and_ a communal pool near his place. and, maybe, sunwoo must admit, it's not very cool to play soccer all day with the hyungs when hyunjoon is spending the week over.

"oy, sunwoo-ah!" mingyu calls when he and hyunjoon are walking past. "you're not joining the rematch?"

sunwoo shades his eyes from the sun to see his cousin better. "nah, it's too hot out!"

mingyu pouts for a second, but then smiles and waves. "alright, see you tomorrow!"

"you'll see me when i see you!'

that gets sunwoo a round of snickers and a few pats on mingyu's back and they all wave bye to each other. sunwoo knows that mingyu's friends like him, they're pretty obvious about it with how much they favor him, and he makes sure to remind himself of that and forget what hyunjoon had said.

it's probably around four o'clock but the sun is still blazing in the sky and sunwoo pulls his cap out of his duffel bag and shoves it on hyunjoon's head. "you burn more easily," he mutters at his friend's inquisitive look.

it's not a long walk to the convenience store, and once sunwoo shoves the hat on hyunjoon's head he starts talking again, telling sunwoo animatedly about the manga he's currently reading. while sunwoo isn't invested in a story he's not reading himself, he's interested on how excitedly hyunjoon tells him about it. and if sunwoo's chest is feeling full as he watches hyunjoon gesture animatedly and throw punches to illustrate fight scenes, he blames it on residual endorphin from the long match he just played. he's sure there's nothing more to it.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed that ;) and if you did, make sure to let me know!
> 
> next chapter is the last one and it should be up very soon °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°


	5. autumn of sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gosh, he just wants to talk to sunwoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took a longer while! sorry about that, but it's also the longest chapter!  
> and so my first tbz fic is done, whoa this feels super nice.  
> this is unbetaed too~  
> please enjoy anyway!

the rest of the day is just short of torture.

hyunjoon is having lunch with changmin, juyeon and a few other upperclassmen of the dance program and he almost, _almost_ tells changmin-hyung about the kiss when his sunbae asks why hyunjoon looks so anxious. he's not sure sunwoo would want other people to know. he doesn't think sunwoo's ever told anyone that he kisses boys too, because prior than sunwoo kissing _him_ , hyunjoon hadn't known that himself. so he doesn't think he should tell anyone before talking to sunwoo.

gosh, he just wants to talk to sunwoo.

hyunjoon looks at the cafeteria's entrance for what must be the millionth time and sighs defeatedly. there's not even any reason to expect sunwoo to walk in. his best friend rarely, if ever, has lunch at the school's cafeteria. when he doesn't bring food from home, he takes a ride with mark-hyung or some other friend from the music program to get food out of campus.

hyunjoon eats another spoonful of rice and broods some more.

on his way to his contemporary class hyunjoon spots sunwoo across the hall. he's talking to one of his upperclassmen and looks serious at it—he's probably been sorting out his electives for this year, like everyone is supposed to do on the first day anyway, and hyunjoon gets this sudden guilty feeling for worrying more about sunwoo than his academics—then sunwoo spots him and smiles that goofy, stupid smile of his at him and hyunjoon trips over himself but manages to wave and sunwoo laughs and.

well, hyunjoon has all year for academics.

 

the first day of classes of a new semester is always cut shorter. classes only go until 3pm since students are expected to be organizing their course load and applying to clubs or similar things. hyunjoon doesn't take long to fix his own schedule in the dance department's secretary, despite the line. he's already taking advanced classes in modern/contemporary and improvisation/choreography so he doesn't have any free time for clubs or any of the sports teams, anyway. he has no idea how sunwoo is going to juggle this year when he's supposed to start taking a.p music theory. he can ask, later.

hyunjoon damn near bites his nails to a pulp. after his course load is all sorted out, he stops just outside of the secretary office and contemplates his options. he can sit somewhere and wait for sunwoo to message him telling he's done; that option implicates the most anxiety. he can also just go over to the soccer field and watch the tryouts until they're done; this option implicates the biggest loser status, since he'll be showing sunwoo how much he can't wait to see him.

when it comes to pride, however, hyunjoon has never felt himself much attached to it when he was in front of sunwoo, so. hyunjoon pushes away from the wall he had been leaning on and makes his way out of the dance department.

the performances building, which encompasses dance, theater and film/digital art, is one of the busiest ones, with all kind of studios spaces, and hyunjoon runs into a few people he knows on his way out. it still doesn't take him long to walk out anyway. he walks past the main building, where they all take their core classes and where creative writing and fashion design students take their curriculum classes; the third and last one is where music and visual arts students do their thing and it's the smaller building, by comparison, but also the loudest.

as if to prove a point just as sunwoo walking a group of kids walk out of the building belting out different songs on top of each other as if to prove a point. one of them is donghyuck and he nods at hyunjoon, though without stopping to increasingly try to outsing a girl and another boy hyunjoon doesn't know. he laughs at them and rushes to walk out of the noise range.

since classes were dismissed early there are a lot of students milling about. there's people sitting on the front steps playing acoustic guitars and everyone talking over each other to be heard. it's a lot of noise and information and hyunjoon missed it during break. it had been the loneliest summer of hyunjoon's life, as far as he can remember. with sunwoo away for all of it and all his friends also travelling off and on, he had spent most of his days stuffed at home, except when he was at the dance studio near his home, doing random dance classes just to kill time.

the sports field is right next to the gymnasium, on the furthest side of campus, and soccer tryouts are in full swing when hyunjoon finds a seat on the bleachers. the boys and girls are taking turns kicking the ball into the net on each side of the field, with seniors helping out and coaches supervising and taking notes. each kid has a number on their backs and it takes hyunjoon a moment to find sunwoo. it's the number 19 on the back of his shirt that gives him away.

he's furthest back in line, talking rapid fire to jeno, one of hyunjoon's classmates, actually, while they wait for their turn. the line walks fast, and in a moment it's sunwoo turn to kick the ball. unlike some of the other boys, sunwoo doesn't stop to have a face-off with the goalkeeper, he runs in to kick at once, but fakes it and stops. he does it once more and then finally kicks, aiming low, towards the bottom corner opposite where the goalie is. he doesn't score, but he comes way closer than the others, with the senior diving to knock the ball away with the tips of his fingers. it's a spectacular save and hyunjoon sees the coach take notes.

there's no way sunwoo isn't getting in again, and not only that, he's totally going to be in the starting lineup this year, for sure.

hyunjoon makes himself comfortable and pulls out a comic book to read while he waits, just so he doesn't look like a total creep watching the tryouts, even if he looks up more often than not, to keep track of sunwoo's progress. though, thankfully, hyunjoon doesn't have to wait much longer than an hour. tryouts will take place at least two more times this week, and a third if the coaches feel the need to. it's a large crowd this year, a lot of freshmen trying to get in after the boys team qualified for regionals last year.

sunwoo spots hyunjoon when he stops to drink water after the last whistle sounds. he doesn't seem surprised, flashing hyunjoon a mock-disgust expression upon seeing him waiting for him. hyunjoon hopes it was a joke, gosh. sunwoo even laughs and waves and hyunjoon is sure he looks like a complete and utter loser when he waves back. jesus christ, hyunjoon doesn't know how much more he can take of feeling like this.

even so, he remains seated as he waits for sunwoo to take a shower. which seems to take even longer than waiting for the tryouts to be over. other people start leaving the locker room and still no sign of him. hyunjoon is already splayed on the benches, legs kicked up on the seats behind him and looking at the  mild autumn sky. the days aren't short or cold yet, but hyunjoon can feel it in the tail-end of the wind, the way it's getting chilly and how the leaves are starting to turn brown.

 

"having fun there?"

hyunjoon nearly breaks his neck clear in half on his haste to sit up and find sunwoo standing a couple of sits below him, hair wet on his forehead and looking fluffy out of school uniform and wearing one of his favorite hoodies

"you took your sweet time showering."

sunwoo shrugs. "didn't want to be all sweaty on you."

there's the damn butterflies. they took their time to show up, too, but the way hyunjoon's stomach immediately flutters is like they're making up for lost time.

"ready to go?"

sunwoo nods as an answer and they make their way down the bleachers and out of the field. there's still some people milling around or leaving like them and the school is already starting to empty out. to hyunjoon's relief, they don't run into anyone they know. he doesn't know what to do with himself, he's so jittery.

up until they exit school grounds, they don't say a word. hyunjoon is doing his best not to bite his nails and show how antsy he is, but the silence is only making it worse.

"we're getting slushies, right?" sunwoo finally asks while they're waiting to cross the street.

"hmm,—" hyunjoon nods.  "—yeah, sounds good." he can feel that sunwoo wants to say more, but he doesn't know how to make him say it.

it's awkward. specially because it's never been awkward between them, so hyunjoon doesn't know how to fix it. it feels damn near suffocating, he has so much he wants to say, but has no idea how to get it out. he wants to know how sunwoo is feeling.

it's already five-ish and the afternoon is starting to die out. it's not that cold yet and the streets are beginning to crowd from the coming rush hour. hyunjoon and sunwoo have taken this way home hundreds of times together since they started high school here, the sight is familiar and comforting. they're not neighbors, but they always take the same train and then hyunjoon gets off first.

"did you get your schedule sorted out?" sunwoo asks as they're nearing the train station.

"there wasn't a lot to do, i just needed to request to be included for advanced modern-contemporary and improvisation-choreography classes."

"badass."

that makes hyunjoon chuckle and sunwoo flashes him his best convinced smile, the one he often wears when he manages to make hyunjoon laugh.

"it's not a big deal."

"yeah, right." sunwoo rolls his eyes.

they reach the station and keep walking. the place where they always get slushies is just rounding the corner from there. sometimes they run into kids from school, but this time the place is thankfully empty.

sunwoo gets the large cup and fills it with peach swirl and hyunjoon mixes strawberry and lemon, their usual orders. while in line they start a minor argument trying to figure out who had been the last one to pay. they can't figure it out so sunwoo says he can be the bigger man and starts off paying for the first slushies of this school year, to settle it.

they leave the shop and sit on the curb in the corner of the small parking lot out front. there's a tree here, a tall night-blooming-jasmine that is already bare from the season.

as they seat, sunwoo beatboxes under his breath and it brings a smile to hyunjoon's face. sunwoo always does this when he's invested in a new song.

"what are you working on these days?" he asks, moving his straw to mix the lemon and strawberry.

"it's not homework or anything, i'm just trying to write some slow bars over a faster tempo to see if i can do it."

"nerd."

sunwoo scoffs. "you're one to talk, mister college level classes in junior year."

"i told you it's not a big deal, i'm not even the only one in my year taking them."

it's hyunjoon turn to rolls his eyes, but he's not as nervous anymore and it's such a relief. this is _them._ having ridiculous large servings of slushies after class and just talking. they did talk over summer, but hyunjoon had been so nervous through all of it that it wasn't the same thing. he doesn't think sunwoo noticed, mainly because hyunjoon didn't want him to, but it had been so painful. to have sunwoo send him selfies after he helped his grandma with the garden or in stifling boredom while being made to go to church. it had hurt to act as normal when hyunjoon felt so different through all of it. when he had wanted to see sunwoo's face up close so bad it hurt sometimes.

"you're feeling better, then?"

hyunjoon almost drops his cup."what?"

"you, that crease between your eyebrows is gone. it's been there all day." sunwoo looks away, taking a few sips of his drink slowly before continuing. "the first time i see you after missing you all summer and all day it's like it hurt you to look at me." sunwoo laughs this self-deprecating thing and turns to look at hyunjoon. "way to make a dude nervous, hyunjoon-ah."

it's like there's no floor under hyunjoon, or more like there's nothing around the two of them. hyunjoon forgets his cup somewhere, his hands wet and freezing when he touches sunwoo's arm, making him look at him. because it does hurt, a little, to look at sunwoo. but it's a good kind of hurt, it's the best thing hyunjoon has ever felt and he's felt it for a while now, it's nothing new. there's a lot he wants to say and he doesn't know how to put into words.

"what does that mean?" hyunjoon asks as loud as he dares; a murmur.

"i missed you," sunwoo whispers back.

hyunjoon gulps. "how much did you miss me?

"you're _my_ favorite person in the whole world."

and hyunjoon remembers sunwoo saying this that day and, gosh, sunwoo is his favorite person too. "don't just say things." hyunjoon whispers.

they're closer now, hyunjoon still holding sunwoo's arm.

"am i your favorite person? you said i wasn't." sunwoo's voice is low, so low it makes hyunjoon's breath catch.

he's not thinking straight.

he kisses sunwoo.

his heart is beating so fast that hyunjoon almost forgets to pay attention to how sunwoo's lips feel against his. almost. sunwoo's lips feel like the best thing to ever happen to him. the kiss is cold and sweet and hyunjoon leans into it and squeezes sunwoo's arm. it's cold and sweet and—sunwoo touches his face and it makes hyunjoon pull away, wide eyed and out of breath, sunwoo's hand left hovering close to his cheek.

they stare into each other's eyes for what feels like forever. sunwoo's lips are parted, his hand still frozen in the air and hyunjoon is scared, so scared that sunwoo was going to use that hand to push him away. should he say sorry? try to take it back? hyunjoon gives himself a mental shake and opens his mouth to speak, but then sunwoo touches him.

sunwoo's hand is still freezing from the slushie, but gentle on his cheek and hyunjoon looks up to meet his eyes. they're clear and happy when sunwoo leans in himself and brings their mouths together again. this time, hyunjoon closes his eyes and really leans into it, slides their lips together and tilts his head so he can suck into sunwoo's bottom lip. it tastes like peach and lemon and strawberry. sunwoo hums deep from his throat, he's _smiling,_ and hyunjoon ends up kissing his teeth. he cups sunwoo's face and bumps their foreheads, and laughs in relief once he looks again at sunwoo—his best friend is smiling big enough to squeeze his eyes shut.

hyunjoon sucks in a breath and it's like it settles on him at once.

hyunjoon just kissed sunwoo and sunwoo let him and now he's looking at hyunjoon like he's the best thing mankind has ever come up with since juice packs.

"i was thinking about you all goddamn summer. i can't believe i fucking survived it." sunwoo murmurs. "i felt like this lovesick idiot, because i was the one that kissed you first and we never said anything about it and i wasn't sure if you hadn't kissed me back just so i wouldn't feel bad. i didn't know how to ask." sunwoo winces when he notices hyunjoon staring so closely, like he's not safe from being a little scared as well.

hyunjoon places his hand on top of sunwoo's on his cheek. "you're my favorite person, too."

"what does that _mean?"_ sunwoo cries. "did you just confess to me?"

"i don't know. did you just confess to _me?"_

"uh." sunwoo presses his lips together, thinking for a moment. "i think i did?"

hyunjoon shrugs like it's no big deal. "then i did too."

"ok. uhm, yeah." sunwoo pulls his hand back and runs it through his hair, finally putting some space between them. "that's cool."

hyunjoon's hands feel so empty all of a sudden that he doesn't even know what to do with them. he crosses his arms and presses his fingers under his armpits, looking anywhere but at the boy in front of him. "is that too much?" he asks softly. "for me to like you back?"

"no. it's— it's really good."

hyunjoon let's out a big, relieved sigh, at once unraveling his arms and reaching for sunwoo's hand again with both of his, giving it a gentle squeeze. "i like that you like me."

"does this mean we're dating?" sunwoo asks and hyunjoon— he's not going to let himself feel afraid all over again.

"we can if you want. or we can take it slow, talk it out."

sunwoo thinks for a moment, and it's not so scary. hyunjoon likes that sunwoo is thinking about it, that he's not taking this lightly.

"i don't think i was very aware of it until i kissed you, but i've liked you for a long time." sunwoo finally says. "i've been jealous of you for years, i always wanted you to like me best."

"jealousy is an ugly feeling." he runs his thumb over sunwoo's knuckles. "you can't be jealous of me if we do this."

sunwoo nods. "i know."

"if you're my boyfriend, isn't knowing that enough?"

that makes sunwoo smile. this huge goofy smile that makes hyunjoon laugh, he can't not laugh.

"it is." sunwoo squeezes his hands. "i love the sound of that. can we do it?" hyunjoon keeps laughing because he can't believe how eagerly sunwoo says it. "hyunjoon-ah," he cups hyunjoon's face. "do you wanna be my boyfriend?"

hyunjoon chuckles some more. this is his best friend of ten years, his favorite non-family person. he's a little like family too, but different. it's special. the way his heart is racing and how he feels like his stomach is flying? it shouldn't feel good but it feels amazing.

"yes, seonu-pabo." he leans it and brushes their lips together. "i wanna be your boyfriend."

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so happy that i managed to see this through in such a short period of time! i almost wish i made updates weekly so i could've gathered more readers... but i needed this fic atm, life's been a total nightmare lmao.  
> thanks to anyone who read and left comments!


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